Bruce Law Firm | StayMarriedFlorida Blog

StayMarriedFlorida was developed by Palm Beach Divorce Lawyer Christopher R. Bruce and is supported by the Bruce Law Firm

Solutions for Men Who Have Anger Issues with Dr. Robert Heller

Palm Beach Divorce lawyer Christopher R. Bruce recently interviewed Boca Raton Licensed Psychologist Dr. Robert Heller on solutions for men who have anger issues. Dr. Heller’s interview is accessible below and will be available in the next 24-36 hours for free download at the iTunes store: Click here to download from iTunes.

Editor's Note: Dr. Robert Heller is a Licensed Psychologistt in Boca Raton, Florida.  Dr. Heller's StayMarriedFlorida profile can be viewed by clicking here.  Dr. Robert Heller can also be contacted at (561) 451-2731, or through his website www.cognitivetherapy.cc

How to Fix and Recover From Emotionally Abusive Relationships by Melissa Schwarz

Palm Beach Divorce lawyer Christopher R. Bruce recently interviewed Wellington Marriage Counselor Melissa Schwartz on the topic of how to fix and recover from emotionally abusive relationships.  Melissa's interview is accessible below and will be available in the next 24-36 hours for free download at the iTunes store: Click here to download from iTunes. 

Editor's Note: Melissa Schwartz is a marriage counselor in Wellington, Florida.  Melissa's StayMarriedFlorida profile can be viewed by clicking here.  Melissa can also be contacted at (561) 791-7741.

Susan Block on Handling Infidelity in Relationships

Palm Beach Divorce lawyer Christopher R. Bruce recently interviewed Coral Springs Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Susan Block about how couples can overcome infidelity in their relationships.  Susan's interview is accessible below and will be available in the next 24-36 hours for free download at the iTunes store: Click here to download from iTunes. 

 

Editor's Note: Susan Block is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Coral Springs, Florida.  Susan'sStayMarriedFlorida profile can be viewed by clicking here.  Susan can also be contacted at (954) 675-1936, or through her  website www.coralspringscounselingcenter.com/.

Happily Ever After: How to Keep the Love You’ve Created

If you’ve followed along with this series of articles, you’ve already read about “getting to the core” of your relationship problems and identified hot-button sensitivities you may not have recognized otherwise.  You’ve also learned about vicious cycles and how to stop the type of fights you get stuck in again and again.  This article is about what to do next now that you understand your partner better, are targeted with your love and compassion toward them, and, hopefully, are feeling pretty good about your relationship again. 

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Dr. Kate Campbell on Harmful Communication Patterns in Relationships & How To Fix Them

Listen to our interview with Fort Lauderdale Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Kate Campbell on communication patterns that are damaging to relationships.

 

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Want to Fall In Love All Over? Ask Your Spouse These Questions

In troubled marriages, information can seem not like a source of love and power, but a one-way ticket to more misery. After all, the thinking goes, if your spouse revealed what she really thinks or what he really feels, the fallout could be catastrophic. 

Not so fast. A popular article has been making its away around the web, claiming that 36 simple questions can help anyone fall in love. There's real science to back up this claim. Research suggests that simply knowing more about a person can make that person more appealing – even if he or she is your spouse. 

Of course, when you're fighting all the time, asking someone about their dreams for the future can be a recipe for disaster, especially if those dreams don't include you. If you want to explore your spouse's psyche without risking hurt feelings, try asking the following questions. Not only will they help you get to know one another all over again; they may also help you find new ways of relating:

·         What's your best memory of us as a couple?

·         What did you think of me when we first met?

·         What do you think is our biggest strength as a couple?

·         If you could change one thing about our marriage, what would it be?

·         If I could change one behavior tomorrow to make you happier, what would it be?

·         What would you like to change about yourself as a partner?

·         What are your hopes for our future together?

·         How do you think our values and relationship have changed over time?

·         What's the best thing about being married to me?

·         Is there any sexual trick you've been itching to try?

·         What are you most scared of in our relationship?

·         If I could surprise you with anything, what would you want for it to be?

·         What does a perfect day look like for you?

·         Which ways of showing love feel best to you? Gifts? Sex? Favors? Something else?

·         If I could get you any gift in the world, what would you want? Why?

·         If you could travel anywhere, where would it be?

·         What's the sexiest thing I could do for your right now?

Don't stop at just asking questions. Remember, you're exploring your spouse's mind for a reason. Getting to know this person all over again can help remind you why you fell in love in the first place. Even more importantly, though, these simple questions can give you deep insight into what your spouse needs, what he or she wants most from you, and what you can do now to improve your marriage. After all, if you have the power to give your spouse the perfect day, change what bothers him or her most about your marriage, or build upon your greatest strengths as a couple, why wouldn't you? 

Five Things You Can Do Right Now to Improve Your Marriage

Whether you're unsure about sticking it out or are madly in love, finding new ways to give your spouse a giddy rush of glee is no easy task. Making your spouse feel good is a key to marital happiness, since happy spouses are nicer, more cooperative, and much more likely to be nice in return. If you need a quick marital boost, try one of these easy solutions.

Encourage Your Spouse to Talk About Himself or Herself

A cardinal truth about life is that everyone loves talking about themselves. Get your spouse to open up by asking him or her specific questions, then intently listening to the answers. Don't be afraid to ask a follow-up question to poke around in your spouse's psyche a bit more. Sometimes all it takes to stoke desire and boost intimacy is feeling heard.

 Help Out Around the House

Need to stoke the fires of desire? Try a little choreplay. Especially for women, getting help from a partner can help quell anxiety and stoke passion. Don't just put away a few dishes, though. Do a thorough cleaning, and make sure the work you do is up to your spouse's standards – not your own.

Show Unconditional Love and Affection

Why get married if you can't count on being loved even when you're unlovable? Sometimes all a spouse needs to warm up to you yet again is a little TLC. Reach out and hug your spouse when he or she is stressed. Leave a nice note in her briefcase, or offer him a back massage. The key here is to do so without expecting anything in return, and to continue with your kindness even if you're met with attitude at first.

Do Your Spouse's Favorite Thing

Everyone has something they love. Whether it's scouring garage sales at the crack of dawn on Saturday, attending a local orchid show, or going for a drive in the country, deep down you know what your spouse loves doing (and if you don't, you should ask). Commit to doing your spouse's very favorite thing for an hour, a few hours, a day, or even a weekend. Bonus points if you plan the entire event yourself.

Surprise Your Spouse

Surprises are inherently sexy because they get your heart racing. If you're desperate to get your spouse's attention and eager to reignite the passion of desire, a surprise may be the very best thing you do for your marriage. Just make sure you surprise your spouse with something they love – not, say, a complicated meal that he or she has to clean up when it's over! A bouquet of flowers, a surprise date, even promising to plan a trip together can all work wonders, not to mention get you out of the dog house.

You and you alone have the power to save your marriage. Don't wait for your spouse to step in and do something, and don't hope things will magically get better. Do something today so you can have a happier tomorrow. 

Can an Abuser Change?

A quarter of all women will experience domestic violence during their lifetimes, and nearly three million men have been assaulted by a romantic partner. Despite its stigma, domestic abuse is depressingly common. What's often left out of the dialogue about domestic abuse, though, is that domestic abusers aren't just monsters with whom a victim lives. They're people who, at one time or another, the victim loved. Leaving an abuser requires immense courage, but also demands that you go through the intense pain of a breakup. Consequently many victims are hopeful that their abusers will change. The depressing truth is that most won't, but this doesn't mean change is always impossible. 

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

Many victims point to the ability of the abuser to be kind, loving, and extraordinarily gentle as evidence that he doesn't really “mean” the abuse. The reality is that this behavior is a classic sign of abuse. Most experts on domestic violence argue that there are three distinct phases to the abuse: the act of battering itself, which is followed by a honeymoon period during which the abuser will do anything to get the victim to stay. After a while, tension begins building again, and this third and final stage eventually leads to more abuse.

The hard truth is that periodic kindness does not mean your abuser will change. Instead, it suggests that he can control his behavior when necessary, which means he's using abuse to control you. This does not offer much hope for redemption.

 Can an Abuser Change?

  • Domestic violence is not inevitable. There is not an abuser gene, and even the angriest of people can control themselves. This means that, theoretically, a domestic abuser can change. The real question is whether or not he will. For victims of domestic violence, safety needs mean that it's necessary to leave the abuser until he's ready to change. Don't consider taking him back until he's shown the following signs of willingness to change:
  • Remorse for his actions that includes complete acceptance of responsibility. You cannot induce someone to behave abusively by nagging him, belittling him, or otherwise upsetting him.
  • A commitment to understanding why he abuses you.
  • A willingness to respect your boundaries and safety. If you need to move out for a while, he should understand that you're doing this for your safety. If he tries to manipulate you into ignoring your own boundaries, then he's engaging in an elaborate ruse, not dedicating himself to changing.

 What's the Right Approach for Domestic Violence?

Many couples trapped in a cycle of domestic violence seek out couples counseling, but couples counseling will not stop abuse. Indeed, couples counseling can compound the problem because such counseling works according to the premise that both spouses share a role in the problem. Violence is solely the fault of the abuser. While you may have problems that marriage counseling can address, your abuser will need to attend counseling specifically designed for abusers until he can stop abusing you. Then you can pursue couples counseling. While your abuser goes through counseling, it's a wise idea to pursue your own counseling so you can explore whether this is a relationship worth continuing. 

If you are currently being abused, don't waste time debating whether the abuser can change. Get help immediately by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline.